A Rudimentary Critique, by Art Critic and Teenager...

"Starry Night" (1889) by Vincent Van Gough

Self-important art critic...

"...but there is little rapport of the actual scene with the intermediary hills which seem to be derived from a different part of the surroundings, south of..."





Ignorant teenager...


"Those don't look like fucking stars."

"The Scream" (1893) by Edvard Munch

"The person in the foreground may be the artist himself, not screaming but protecting himself or itself from the scream of..."






"The sky's fucking red... Why's there a fucking skeleton on the pier?"

"Campbells Soup Can" (1968) by Andy Warhol

"...view of ordinary culture and felt the abstract expressionists had taken great pains to ignore the splendor of modernity..."






"Are you serious?... it's fucking soup, right?"

"The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp" (1632) Rembrandt

"In the 17th century an important scientist such as Dr. Tulp would not be involved in menial and bloody work like dissection and such tasks would..."





"That's gross dude... did they have doctors 1000 years ago? Fucking sick as shit."

"Vitruvian Man" (1492) by Leonardo Da Vinci

"...based his drawing on some hints at correlations of ideal human proportions with geometry in Book III of the treatise..."





"So gay, I can see his dick."

Douche Bigalow

Okay first of all, this is the opening paragraph taken from the Wikipedia page of 70's rock band Manfred Mann's Earth Band...

"Manfred Mann's Earth Band are a rock group formed by Manfred Mann, in 1971, following the demise of Mann's former group Manfred Mann."

Just between you and me I think Manfred Mann had a bit of a thing for Manfred Mann...


The reason I bring up Manfred Mann's Earth Band (a rock group formed by Manfred Mann, in 1971, following the demise of Mann's former group Manfred Mann) is that while listening to their 1977 mega-hit "Blinded by the Light" today, I had the very same thought that crosses most people's minds when they hear the chorus. A thought process which goes something like this...

"Oh, I like this song... sick keys... 'Blinded by the liiight... duh-duh-d-...'
Ah...okay... did that fucker just say wrapped up like... like a douche???

What the hell does that mean? Do douches typically come wrapped in packaging?
Is vaginal hygein really a relevant topic in a progressive rock power-ballad?...

...Okay, I think Manfred Mann just sang the phrase "Boner on his shoulder" now that's ridicu-fucking-lous"

The proper chorus lyric is of course "revved up like a deuce", but to anyone with ears the word Douche is obviously sung by Manfred, and frankly I think Manfred knew what he was doing...

London, 1976:

Manfred: Okay guys I've just written a groovy song, I think you'll all like it.

Mick: Okay, what's it called?

Manfred: It's called "Blinded by the Light", I'll sing you the chorus...

(sings) Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a douche
I rubbed your boner in the nighttt....

Mick: Wait, wait...

Manfred: What?

Noel: That was fucked up.

Geoff: Yeh.

Manfred: What?... why?

Mick: It sounded like you said 'revved up like a deuce' and you know how I have a gambling problem. Any mention of poker terminology sends me over the edge, man.

Manfred: Oh yeh, sorry Mick, I'll try to emphasise the douche more in the actual recording...

Steve: Didn't Bruce Springsteen write a version of that song like, 4 years ago?

In summation... Manfred Mann clearly says douche.